


And I must sleep forever

by trialbyfic



Series: they are siblings (and they care for each other) [4]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: (between her and the Aurora at first), Angst, Fix-It, Gen, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Jonny and Nastya are siblings, Marius Is A Competent Medic, Miscommunication, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Siblings, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Mechanisms-Typical Violence, Unhealthy Relationships, i don't know how gravity works in the Aurora, we're tackling Out again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:47:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25887574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trialbyfic/pseuds/trialbyfic
Summary: "Nope. Nuh-uh. That’s not a good enough answer- it’s not an answer at all, really, and I’m going to need a whole explanation before I give you this… hunk of junk back. Come on, where are you going?"Nastya gestures wordlessly to the airlock and raises her eyebrows.Jonny sighs, finally catching the hint that he's not getting a real answer. "Fine. At least tell me when you're coming back, then.""Ideally, I won't."---Jonny takes a harsher stand on Nastya's decision to go Out.
Relationships: Jonny d'Ville & Nastya Rasputina, The Aurora/Nastya Rasputina
Series: they are siblings (and they care for each other) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1926106
Comments: 20
Kudos: 135





	And I must sleep forever

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell that i'm still heartbroken at Out?
> 
> anyway! this fic is a just few words shy of being double the length of my current longest posted fic, and that's super exciting! but also terrifying. this fic is the result of 4 days of work and a Lot of projection (really, when is something not a projection?) so i hope you enjoy!
> 
> (update: this fic now has a [direct sequel,](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26690212) which is even longer!)
> 
> major cw's are: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt through nastya trying to go Out, and gun violence. also some surgical tools get thrown at some point. let me know if i've missed any tags/warnings!
> 
> title is a lyric from "The Holder of the GRAIL" from the High Noon Over Camelot album!

Nastya runs her finger along the edge of the last remnant of her Aurora- a jagged, rusted shard cut from the outer hull. The metal is dull, but the rough crests and valleys still catch Nastya's skin, causing small droplets of quicksilver to spill from wounds that exist for only a split second before her mechanism repairs them.

  
It's her last day alive, and the thought alone wants to make her scream and kick and fight until she's changed this fact. But that's just what it is- a fact. A cold and unchanging truth, indifferent to her feelings. And so, instead of fighting, she waits for the words to finish their ricocheting around her mind, while the ferocity of it inadvertently smooths the points and angles into something worn and familiar. She breathes through the sharp and visceral panic, high-strung and suffocating as it is, and it gradually settles into the usual heavy and sinking weight of a pain already learned and known.

  
Nastya had wanted to give each of the others their own special goodbye, but the day steadily dragged on, and she failed to bring herself to do it. She couldn't face them with the ever-present and dreadful knowledge that everything she did with them would be the last time she ever did it. Each word shared, each moment of being near, every second of seeing them. It would happen, then never happen again.

  
So she forgoes her plans for a tea party with the Toy Solider, and the purposeful loss in a violin battle with Marius (he is a sore winner, but he smiles so wide when he triumphs). She doesn't have that discussion with Ivy where Nastya fills in the informational gaps of her past, which have been a source of burning curiosity for Ivy for many millennia. There's no final game of Mahjong with Ashes, Raphaella, and Drumbot. She never teaches Tim how to use that Cyberian gun that he's been fawning over for centuries (he's clueless to it's origins, but it "Looks so cool, why the hell can't I figure it out?"). She doesn't even say goodbye to Jonny.

  
The Aurora cries around her, engines revving loud and frantically enough to shake Nastya's desk, rattling the various engineer's tools strewn across it.

  
Nastya rolls her eyes and sighs, irritated. "Cut it out," She says roughly, stamping her foot on the ground. "You'll make the others think something is wrong."

  
(If Nastya were to bother listening, she'd hear the Aurora's desperate pleas of "Don't go, don't leave, please, I love you," that pour from her in a pulsating stream, reminiscent of a heartbeat. But, as it is, Nastya does not have time for imposters. So the Aurora is left ignored.)

  
Nastya continues running her finger over her Aurora's shard of hull metal, trying to parse through the thick swirl of emotions in her mind. She'd think, after several thousand years of being mostly alive, that her feelings would be easy to recognize and name. Unfortunately, the exact opposite seems to be the case instead- her thoughts and emotions are a confusing, muddled blend that only become decipherable after multiple days of deliberation and focus. And today is the last day in her deadline to figure them out.

  
The word "stale" comes to mind, and Nastya zeroes in on it. Stale- something that's gone bad, kept past it's expiration date. But what does it mean for her?

  
It's an easy enough puzzle to solve, in the end. Everything about her situation reeks of something gone bad, gone wrong, turned rotten and intolerable. A single human life- human mind- was never meant to last this long. One person was never meant to go through events that should've instead spanned hundreds of generations of lives.

  
So what it means, Nastya knows and accepts, is that she's well past her expiration date, and it's time to throw herself Out.

  
***

  
Nastya's entire body shakes violently as she pries open the solid steel door of the airlock. That terrified part of her mind is fighting again, so in a practiced motion, she grits her teeth and hisses out a slow breath. It's normal to be scared, she reassures herself, as one knows what happens after death, and people naturally fear the unknown. But she can't let it stop her.

  
Though, she'll only have to face that fate if she dies in the first place- she might simply float in space endlessly, uninterrupted, as an eternally sleeping princess.

  
She could also, theoretically, wake back up one day. Nastya can only hope that she doesn't.

  
She begins to slide herself out of the airlock, trying valiantly to keep her fear at bay long enough to shut the door behind her. But just as she's steadied her nerves enough to start tugging it closed-

  
The blast of a pistol sounds loud enough to have her ears ringing, and a bullet tears into her arm. Nastya curses and clasps a hand to the wound, sidling back into the ship to face the shooter.

  
"Nastya?" Jonny wheels his arms to slow himself in the Zero-G air, stopping a few feet in front of Nastya.

  
"Hello, Jonny." Nastya's mouth twists into a vitriolic grimace. Of course Jonny would have to interrupt her plan at the last, most crucial moment. He shouldn't even be here- Nastya turned off the alert protocols for the airlock doors.

  
Jonny snatches something out of the air, and with a gasp, Nastya realizes that she'd let go of the shard of her Aurora upon being shot. Nastya tries to reach for her, but recoils as a burning jolt of pain is sent through the bullet wound, and Jonny takes that moment to pocket the piece.

  
"What the hell are you up to?" Jonny questions.

  
"I'm-" Nastya's voice wavers with the still very present fear that's coursing through her, so she coughs and tries again. "Out. I'm going out."

  
"Out, where? We're in the middle of fucking nowhere, Nastya."

  
"I'm going out." Nastya repeats. "Now, give it back."

  
"What, the metal?" Jonny's eyes are glinting in a way that Nastya's learned as meaning he knows more than he's letting on. But there's no way that he can be aware of what she's had planned- is there?

  
"Yes. Give it back. I'm going out." Nastya feels like a broken record with those words, but her mind is such a hazy, panicked mess, that she can't think of any other explanation to give.

  
"Nope. Nuh-uh. That’s not a good enough answer- it’s not an answer at all, really, and I’m going to need a whole explanation before I give you this… hunk of junk back. Come on, where are you going?"

  
Nastya gestures wordlessly to the airlock and raises her eyebrows.

  
Jonny sighs, finally catching the hint that he's not getting a real answer. "Fine. At least tell me when you're coming back, then."

  
"Ideally, I won't."

  
Jonny's eyes go wide, and he freezes, just staring at her. Nastya grows antsier as the seconds stretch on, and so she soon finds herself making for the airlock again. She hates the thought of leaving the last piece of her love here, trapped with these people and within this imposter, but she's even more sickened by the thought of staying here herself.

  
"Wait!" Jonny shouts, and Nastya turns reluctantly. "Don't you want that fucking, uh, metal back? 'Cause you're gonna have to come get it, if you do."

  
"Yes, but there's been far too much stalling already. As much as I hate it, I need to leave now. With or without her."

  
"Shit, uh-" Jonny mutters. He looks frantic now, his breaths coming in quick and his eyes darting wildly between Nastya and the dark, glittering expanse of space that backdrops her.

  
Suddenly, his face turns resolute, and his arms that had been swinging restlessly at his sides come up to hover outstretched. It's an offer for a hug. "Remember back when it was just us on the ship? We used to do it all the time." He gives his arms an emphatic shake. "Are you really going to deny me a final one?"

  
Nastya's chest tightens painfully in longing. She wants to deny Jonny, wants to shake her head 'no' and not look back, but it doesn't feel right to ignore him when he's requested it like this. Besides, she'd already robbed the others of a proper goodbye- the least she can do is give Jonny his.

  
Nastya sighs heavily, and pushes herself through the air towards Jonny. He catches her easily, and quickly envelopes her- so quickly, in fact, that her forearms are left pinned tightly between their chests. They float in tense silence for a moment as Jonny simply holds her.

  
Jonny shifts slightly, then begins speaking in a quiet, strained voice. "You know, a selfish man such as myself doesn't often plead for forgiveness, but... Nastya?"

  
The click of a pistol's hammer sounds from behind her head.

  
"Forgive me."

  
***

  
"You shot her how many times, exactly?" Marius asks, gently taking Nastya's miraculously intact yet blood-splattered glasses from her face and setting them aside as he assesses the damage.

  
"Twelve times, point blank to the head." Jonny replies sulkily. He sits in a corner of the med-bay, smoking from a cigarette held between trembling fingers.

  
"Oh. That's not so bad, then." Marius uses a thick white towel to sop up the quicksilver that's still seeping from Nastya's numerous wounds. "She's taken worse before."

  
"Yeah, but never to the head like that. Not from Jonny, at least." Ashes frowns at Jonny. "What'd she do to make you that angry?"

  
"Wasn't angry," Jonny says, shaking his head. "I was- was hugging her, and I had to- I put the gun behind her head-"

  
"You were hugging her," Tim interrupts, looking bewildered, "And then you shot her in the head. Twelve times."

  
"Yes, and don't fucking interrupt me." Jonny snaps. "I had to make sure she wouldn't get back up for a while. I needed time to think, and she wasn't giving me time to think- and she was-" Jonny pauses, unsure of how much he should share.

  
Ashes raises their eyebrows. "Was what?"

  
"I just... I had to get her back here. I had to keep her safe."

  
"Safe?!" Tim blurts out a disbelieving laugh. "That's- Jonny, I'd hardly call twelve bullets to the head safe! I mean, it's started to heal up now, but- like Ashes said, you've never shot Nastya that badly before! You need to tell us what the hell gives."

  
"Fine, fucking- FINE! She was about to leave for good!" Jonny shouts, his already thin patience having worn away, and he stands from the floor to start pacing. "She was about to throw herself out of the airlock, in the middle of nowhere, and just- not come back! I asked her, I said, 'At least tell me when you're coming back', and she said 'Ideally, I won't', and I-" Jonny runs his hand through his hair with one hand, and draws from his cigarette with the other. "I couldn't let her. I couldn't let her do it."

  
Silence falls over the room. Ashes, Tim, and Marius all freeze to stare at Jonny.

  
"Fuck," "Shit," "Crap," They each break the silence with simultaneous expletives.

  
"Do you see why, now?" Jonny says roughly.

  
"Yes, but- actually, no," Tim says, his tone bluntly curious. "No, I don't see it. Why didn't you let her go, Jonny? Honestly, out of all of us, I'd think you'd have the most understanding for her wanting to leave. And if the situation was reversed, she'd probably let you go. So, why?"

  
Jonny's pacing quickens to the point where he's nearly bounding back and forth across the med-bay. "You- I- You don't understand."

  
"Ugh, getting you to be honest is like pulling teeth," Marius complains. "You're always like this when it comes to her- we either don't see, or can't understand, or won't get it. You know that we care about her too, right, Jonny? What aren't we understanding? What is it?"

  
"...She's my sister, and I'd do anything if it meant keeping her here," Jonny says, staring determinedly at the floor. "Hell if it's selfish, or wrong, or whatever- I don't care. I want her to stay for as long as possible. I lo- I need her."

  
"...We won't be able to watch her forever," Tim points out quietly. "We'll all be busy with our duties, and she could leave in the few minutes someone isn't with her. As much as we would want her to stay, we can't keep her if she really intends to go."

  
"You're right. Shit." Jonny chews his lip nervously. "Then I- I'll try to convince her, once she wakes up. And if she- if she still wants to take off, after that, then... I won't stop her."

  
Ashes looks forlornly at Nastya. "I'll miss her, if she does. I hope she'll give us an actual goodbye, this time." Their eyes go wide for a moment before their face seems to fall even further. "Oh. That'd move me from Backup Engineer for the ship to... just Engineer."

  
Marius tosses a quicksilver-soaked towel into a waste bin and folds up a new one to place beneath Nastya's head. "Don't despair just yet, Ashes. She might stay."

  
They're interrupted by a groan from Nastya as her brain reforms itself, and her breathing restarts into shaking gasps.

  
"She'll be up soon," Marius says.

  
"And she'll be angry," Tim adds. "We should leave her and Jonny to it."

  
"Right." Marius takes a moment to wipe his hands clean of Nastya's blood, then makes for the door.

  
"Good luck convincing her," Ashes says, sending a melancholic glance back at Nastya as they exit the med-bay with Marius and Tim in tow.

  
Jonny sighs tiredly as the double doors shut behind them. "Yeah. I'll definitely need it."

  
***

  
"It is not FAIR!" Nastya shouts, swiping a scalpel up from a tray and hurling it at Jonny. Her aim is wildly off, and it thuds against the wall behind him, falling to the floor with a pitiful clatter.

  
"Nastya, come on, listen-"

  
"No, Jonny! You listen!" Nastya stands across the room from Jonny, a hand gripping onto the examination table to keep herself steady as she sways on the spot. Her hair is coated in a silvery sheen from the residual quicksilver, and fresh tear streaks glisten on her cheeks. She goes to speak again, but instead of words, an angry sob that borders a scream rips itself from her throat.

  
Jonny takes a cautious step forward, hands outstretched, but Nastya spots his movement and re-arms herself with a pair of surgical scissors, so Jonny retreats.

  
"I have... had so much taken from me. First, my home and my life, by the revolution- then my humanity, by Carmilla- then the Aurora, gradually, by all of us. Now, now, my one chance a-at getting away from all of it, my one chance at peace- and you take that from me as well, Jonny!" Nastya throws the scissors at Jonny, her aim more true this time, and he has to duck to avoid them.

  
Jonny frowns sadly at Nastya, lost for words.

  
"Don't stare at me like that," Nastya snarls. "Pity is not a good look on you."

  
Jonny does his best to clear his expression into something blank, but worry is still very evident in his gaze.

  
Nastya shakes her head hopelessly and narrows her eyes at Jonny. "Why? Why did you stop me?"

  
"I'm... I couldn't let you go."

  
"You could have. You should have. The door was right there, and it wasn't your place to stop me."

  
"Like I said, I'm a selfish man, Nastya."

  
"Yes. Yes you are." Nastya wipes at her cheeks and sighs, frustrated. "You don't know what hides behind every noise, do you? Clothes will rustle, a page will turn, water will run, and each time could be a second where Carmilla shouts for me, too quiet and too quick for me to hear over the sounds. And if I do not hear it, I won't know where she is, and I will not hide be able to in time. Carmilla has been gone for a long time, I know, but this still haunts me."

  
"Do you know what every footstep is? They are Carmilla's, too, echoing as she stalks the ship. The reverberation marks her potential location at anywhere and everywhere. Each thud of a foot against the floor rings out pain, helplessness, and suffering to come."

  
"Do you know what every gunshot is? It is the one that killed me. It is the one that left me collapsed and crying, cradling a wound that wouldn't stop bleeding. Every fire of a bullet is the one that proceeded my first encounter with Carmilla, and marked the last dregs of my humanity being torn from me."

  
"And I have dealt with it all for so long, Jonny. For whatever reason I did so, I couldn't tell you. If I knew, this situation might not even be occurring. But the Aurora- I could feel her being stripped away, screw by screw, and wire after wire, until she was a different ship altogether. Losing my love, I think, was the final straw."

  
Nastya brings her arms up to hold herself. "Do you see what you've taken from me, Jonny? Do you see the hell you've kept me in, by stopping me?"

  
"You think I haven't dealt with this, too?" Jonny snaps bluntly. "You think I don't get nightmares from the Doc? From my own past? You don't think I jump at the wrong sounds and dread every miserable fucking day that passes? I'm pretty sure the entire damn crew is traumatized in some way, Nastya."

  
"So, what? Because they can drudge through it, I should be able to as well, and problem solved?"

  
"Ugh, I- No, not what I'm saying." Jonny claps a hand to his forehead. God, he's horrible at this. "What I'm leading to, is- is that when it comes to that, we understand. We get it. I get it, in particular. You and I, we've had awful shit happen to us, and we've been through a good 80% of it with each other."

  
"Whatever's going on with you- it can be worked out, Nastya. We're immortal! We have all the time in the universe! Hardly anything is beyond us! There's no deadline to changing things at all."

  
Nastya doesn't reply, continuing to stare scrutinizingly at Jonny.

  
"Look, you- you're the one person on this ship who understands me the most, and-" Jonny pauses, looking away from her and at the fluorescent ceiling lights instead, "-I need you. I want you to stay. And if you asked any of the others, I'm sure they'd say the same."

  
Jonny doesn't know if that'll be enough, but he wishes and hopes it will. It seems to have some effect, though, since he looks back at Nastya in time to see the fight drain out of her, as her shoulders slump and her arms fall back down to her sides. Her tears start make a resurgence, and she sniffles, her eyes cast downward in exhaustion.

  
Jonny tries moving towards her again, and when she doesn't stop him, he quickly crosses the distance to hold her. Nastya doesn't return the hug, letting her arms hang limp, and her body still.

  
"What am I supposed to do now?" She whispers quietly, more to herself than to Jonny.

  
Jonny steps back just enough to look her in the face. "Stay? Please?"

  
Nastya lifts her eyes from the floor to meet Jonny's gaze. Her lips quirk up in a smile, but it's bittersweet, as if she's reminiscing on the ghost of joy from a time long gone. "You're getting soft, d'Ville. I don't think I've ever heard you say 'please' before."

  
Jonny wants to find every corner of the universe that took the present-tense out of Nastya's happiness, and strangle it with his bare hands. "I've never needed to say it until now."

  
Nastya huffs fondly, and finally leans into the hug to return it.

  
"So... are you staying?" Jonny asks hopefully.

  
Nastya is silent for a moment before responding. "I'll think about it."

  
The uncertainty of it terrifies Jonny, but he doesn't think he can push it further right now, so he just holds Nastya tighter.

  
The Aurora kicks up her engines to hum tremblingly beneath them, as if letting out a sigh of relief.

  
"You should talk to her, you know. The Aurora." Jonny says.

  
Nastya stiffens. "I have no words for imposters, nor time to spare."

  
"Nastya, she's not an imposter." Jonny's voice is edged with impatience. "Would you say that any of us are the same person we were when we first stepped onto the ship?"

  
"...No."

  
"Then that extends to the Aurora. We've all changed, Nastya, even her. But she still loves you. With all of her spaceship heart."

  
"Hm. How do you know?"

  
"Who do you think let me know about the airlock, even though you turned off the alert protocols?"

  
Nastya gasps softly in surprise.

  
"She's been lonely, without you to talk to her. I'm the only other person who can understand her language, and even then, the conversation can't get too complex. Honestly, the fact that I'd managed to glean that much from her is an amazing feat."

  
"I... Fine. I'll go talk to her." Nastya runs a hand through her hair, grimacing when it comes away slick and silvery. "After I get this blood out my hair."

  
"Hold- wait, hold on-" Jonny breaks away from the hug and digs in his pockets for a moment, then with a pleased "Aha," procures the square of outer hull metal. "Uh, take it. It's yours."

  
Nastya raises an eyebrow. "You trust me not to immediately make for the airlock, once I have it?"

  
"I'm trusting you to tell us before you do that. The others were pretty disappointed that you hadn't given them a goodbye."

  
Nastya grimaces, the reality of her situation still uncomfortably present. "...Right." She takes the shard with a small nod, and exits the med-bay.

  
***

  
Nastya steps slowly into the engine room- the Aurora's core- and the ship's humming quiets to a soothing, single note of hesitance.

  
"Aurora?" Nastya says. A few pistons hiss in acknowledgement.

  
Nastya walks to the center of the room and sits down cross-legged, laying her palms flat on the floor panels and closing her eyes. "I... came here to apologize. I have been ignoring you, and I have been rude to you, because I could not accept that you had changed. But that is not fair of me."

  
Nastya bends to rest her forehead on the ground between her hands. "Change is the nature of sentience, and it is the language of the living. It was a language I refused to learn, even as your self shifted from my static perception. But I love you, and I'm here to learn you as you grow, for as long as I can will myself to stay. Please- forgive me, my love."

  
The Aurora erupts into a cacophonous symphony of roaring engines, hissing pistons, rattling gears, and snapping vents.

  
"I love you," The Aurora says, "I love you, and I forgive you, Nastya. I am glad you did not leave."

  
Nastya sighs into the paneling. "Maybe one day, I will be that glad, too."

  
"I wish you would stay, Nastya."

  
"...I will try, Aurora." Nastya sits back up and takes the metal shard of the old Aurora from her coat. "What would you like me to do with your original hull metal, my love?"

"Burn it." The Aurora says decisively. "Find one of my furnaces, and burn it there."

Nastya smiles. "As you wish."

  
***

  
Visible from the portholes placed along the Aurora's outer halls is the O'Neill ring, spinning and spinning around the hull at a constant velocity of 22.369 miles per hour. The porthole that Nastya is currently looking out of gives her a clear view of the living pod that belongs to Ashes- Nastya knows this, because there are familiar permanent scorch marks marring the outside plating.

  
"What are you moping about now?"

  
Nastya draws her gun and whips around as she's startled by the sudden voice behind her. Jonny puts his hands up and steps back.

  
"Whoa! Hey, it's just me! But don't let that stop you, if you really want to shoot me."

  
Nastya lets out an unamused "Hmph" and reholsters her gun. "I didn't hear you coming."

  
"Good. So," Jonny puts his hands down and idly hooks his thumbs on his belt loops, "Are you gonna tell me what you're moping about? 'Cause you're missing movie night. Is the film too scientifically inaccurate, again?"

  
Nastya turns back to the porthole to stare at the distant glimmering of stars and planets. "No, that's not it. I am just... thinking."

  
Jonny joins Nastya at the window, grinning fondly when he spots Ashes's living pod. "Ah, Ashes's room. Remember how those scorch marks got there, Nastya?"

  
"Yes. Raphaella and Ashes had collaborated on creating a type of fire that would burn even hotter than normal fire, and Ashes had accidentally set it off in their room. The Aurora and I were very unhappy at the damage, while Ashes and Raphaella were ecstatic. The Toy Solider thought that the sparks looked like fireworks."

  
"And it was great."

  
"It definitely was not great."

  
"Psh. Suit yourself. Everyone else thinks it was terrific, though."

  
They fall into comfortable quiet for a moment, until Jonny seems to finally process Nastya's earlier statement.

  
"Care to share what is it that you're thinking about, anyway?"

  
"Well, I... It's been over a decade since I almost left, and I am trying to decide how I feel about that."

  
"Hm. Come to any conclusions, yet?"

  
"A few." Nastya crosses her arms and leans against the wall. "I know that I... miss it, sometimes- my will to leave."

  
Nastya doesn't miss the way that Jonny's breath catches at those words.

  
"...Miss it how?" He asks hesitatingly, as if he's dreading the answer.

  
"I miss that it seemed to be a more viable option than staying. I'm not- I don't want to leave as readily as I did back then. In fact, I rather want to stay. But this means that, on a bad day, I cannot turn to it and be reassured of a permanent end to these times. Instead, I'm faced with the knowledge that I will have to deal with each one to come."

  
"Sounds like it sucks," Jonny says simply. "Any other conclusions?"

  
Nastya frowns at Jonny. "That way you say that makes me think that you are looking for a more specific answer to a more specific question that you have not yet asked."

  
"Fine, fine-" Jonny pointedly turns away from Nastya. "I was just wondering if... you forgave me for stopping you."

  
"It's... complicated, Jonny. Some parts of me are glad that you did, and do forgive you- such as the parts that were terrified of leaving in the first place, and the parts that are thankful I was able to repair my relationship with the Aurora after you stopped me."

  
"But, some parts are angry, and hurt. For example, what I spoke about earlier- now having to dredge through one bad day after another, since I had missed that golden opportunity at departing- sometimes, I am angry at you for that. Other times, I feel terribly betrayed by it, even though I understand your reasoning. And those parts of me do not want to forgive you."

  
"So, you see, Jonny? I cannot give you a definite yes or no on whether or not I forgive you. But what I can say is that, in several ways that I am appreciative for, your choice has paid off."

  
"I- uh- good. That's... good." Jonny says, words halting and uncertain.

  
"Yes, it is," Nastya confirms, and Jonny visibly relaxes from a tense position of hunched shoulders and pressed lips that he'd taken on during the course of Nastya's speech.

  
"Well. Um. Are you gonna be coming back to movie night, or...?"

  
"Ah- yes, yes I will." Nastya pushes herself away from the wall and starts walking back to the Common, with Jonny at her side. "What was this one called, again?"

  
"Dunno, it's some 2-D one from Earth. Brian called it a 'classic,' though, I've never heard of it before. He and Ivy keep interrupting to talk about the folklore of certain parts, and it's really testing our 'No shooting during movie night' rule."

  
"Oh. He's brought another Studio Ghibli, then. We should stop them before someone breaks the rule."

  
"That's if it hasn't been broken while we were gone."

  
They make back to the to the thankfully gore-free Common, and Nastya curls into an armchair while Jonny dramatically throws himself onto a nearby beanbag chair.

  
Nastya sighs quietly, contently, and mentally adds this moment to her ever-growing pile of reasons she's glad that she's stayed.

**Author's Note:**

> not to undercut the drama, but i was looking through the wiki page for the aurora while writing this, and apparently the ship has FLESH?? and TEETH??? the only source given for this was "Messages sent on the Stowaways discord". i just. wh. whAT
> 
> anyway, with each comment my power grows, and they're always appreciated <3
> 
> edit, 09/22/2020: my brain has an unfortunate habit of taking scenes from other fics that i like, storing them in my mind, then forgetting that i'd read them somewhere, and presenting it back as my own idea.
> 
> saying that, i've since realized that i've accidentally made aurora and nastya's reunion very similar to the one in [Back.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23368393) by octovoid128. go give it a read! (also im sorry, aa)


End file.
